A Bag of Cocaine

On March 26, a suspect in the back seat of a police car swallowed a bag of cocaine – including the plastic bag. You can read the story here.

Here’s the report:

AFTER BEING ARRESTED FOR PROVIDING A FALSE NAME TO LEO AND A WARRANT, THE DEFENDANT WAS PLACED INTO THE BACK OF A POLICE CAR. WHILE IN THE BACK OF THE POLICE CAR THE DEFENDANT IS SHOWN ON CAMERA EATING A BAG OF DRUGS HE PULLED FROM HIS BUTT. THE DEFENDANT PROCEEDS TO EAT THE BAGGY WITH THE DRUGS. THE DEFENDANT DENIED EATING THE BAGGY.  DEPUTY LANEY SWABBED THE DEFENDANTS MOUTH WHICH TESTED POSITIVE FOR COCAINE. THE BAGGY IS BEING SENT TO THE LAB FOR TESTING.

I have some comments:

  • The past tense of spit is spat:

THE DEFENDANT SPIT THE BAGGY OUT IN FRONT OF DEPUTY LANEY.  INCORRECT

THE DEFENDANT SPAT THE BAGGIE OUT IN FRONT OF DEPUTY LANEY.  CORRECT

  • Baggy means loose: He wore baggy pants and a torn shirt. The word needed for this report is baggie.
  • Defendants mouth needs an apostrophe: defendant’s mouth
  • Much of the writing is excellent – straightforward and professional. You should strive to write all your sentences that way! Compare the sentences below:

THE DEFENDANT DENIED EATING THE BAGGIE.  DEPUTY LANEY SWABBED THE DEFENDANT’S MOUTH WHICH TESTED POSITIVE FOR COCAINE.  (CORRECT)

WHILE IN THE BACK OF THE POLICE CAR THE DEFENDANT IS SHOWN ON CAMERA EATING A BAG OF DRUGS HE PULLED FROM HIS BUTT. THE DEFENDANT PROCEEDS TO EAT THE BAGGY WITH THE DRUGS.  (NEEDS REVISING)

Here’s my version:

THE SERVICE VEHICLE CAMERA SHOWED THE DEFENDANT PULLING A PLASTIC BAG FILLED WITH WHITE POWDER FROM HIS RECTUM. THEN HE ATE THE BAGGIE AND WHITE POWDER.      CORRECT

A clear plastic bag of cocaine

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2 thoughts on “A Bag of Cocaine

    1. Jean Post author

      Thanks so much for alerting me, Jay! The link has been fixed. I really appreciate your taking the time to let me know about the problem. Jean

      Reply

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