More about the Rachel Henry Case

In my previous post, I discussed the court narrative about the Rachel Henry case. It’s a sad story about a Phoenix woman who killed her three children, all under the age of three. You can read the narrative on page 3 at this link: https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/6667965-Rachel-Henry-Form-IV-Redacted.html

The court narrative is excellent: professional, objective, and thorough. I do have a few suggestions, however:

Dispatch advised an unidentified female was calling to report three children under the age of three years old were found inside the residence.  [Advised means “counseled.” Use said.]

The father of the children, , and the mother, Rachel Henry were both on scene and transported to Phoenix Police Headquarters for further interview. The homeowner and  aunt, , were also transported.   [State who drove them. Passive voice is inappropriate for criminal justice writing because it often omits the most important fact – the doer.]

Rachel told  she would put the children down for a nap while she was gone.  [“She” is confusing when there are two women. The woman who put the children down for a nap is different from the woman who was gone.
Better: “Rachel said she would put the children down for a nap while  was gone.” OR “Rachel told , “I will put the children down for a nap while you’re gone.”]

Rachel Henry

Share

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *