Let’s look at a Halloween-related police report today.
On November 1, 2011, a couple was planning to put on their Halloween costumes to go out for the night. When the man saw the woman’s sexy French maid costume, he got angry. He assaulted her, she started screaming, and police were called. You can read the police report (it’s excellent) at this link.
I have a few edits and suggestions:
- Don’t repeat the date, time, and location if you’ve already typed them into your laptop.
- Be consistent. This report starts by saying that police were dispatched. But then it turns into a “we” report. I’d suggest using “We were dispatched” right at the beginning.
- Avoid repetition. There’s no need to keep repeating 118 South Market Street, where the incident happened.
- Avoid unnecessary words. There’s no difference between “screaming” and “screaming and yelling.”
- Use I, not myself:
MYSELF AND OFFICER LEE MAKOWSXI WALKED TO 118 SOUTH MARKET STREET. AWKWARD
OFFICER LEE MAKOWSXI AND I WALKED TO 118 SOUTH MARKET STREET. BETTER