Greta Van Susteren hosts the popular Fox TV show On the Record w/ Greta Van Susteren. On May 9 she posted the leaked police report that describes how three young women and the young daughter of one of them were rescued from the Cleveland house where they’d been imprisoned by alleged kidnapper Ariel Castro.

The report (which you can read online) describes that rescue with the clarity and precision you might expect from a professional writer. But the author is neither a bestselling novelist nor an investigative journalist: He’s a police officer, and writing reports like this one is just one of his everyday duties.

Here are some of the qualities that stand out in the kidnapping report:

1.  It accurately recounts a complicated set of events that began with Amanda Barry’s decision to attempt an escape and ended with the reading of the suspects’ Miranda rights.

2.  It is concise—especially impressive because so much information is included. Facts are recorded without repetition and unnecessary verbiage.

3.  It is written in clear, professional, jargon-free English, using timesaving words like “I,” “stated,” “said,” “checked,” and “talking.”

4.  It uses active voice: “I responded,” PO Tracy gained entry,” “We then asked.”

5.  It testifies to the professionalism of the officers who rescued the victims, recorded their statements, and apprehended the three suspects. (Ariel Castro has since been charged, and his two brothers have been cleared.) The rescue was an emotionally charged event, with victims jumping into the officers’ arms in an outpouring of relief and gratitude. In the middle of the high drama, the officers were able to obtain an astonishing amount of information about the victims’ long ordeal.

From May 12 through May 18, communities across the United States will be observing Police Week. The rescue in Cleveland is a powerful example of what a police officer may be called upon to do: Breaking down a door, searching for victims, gently carrying a little girl to the back seat of a police car, tracking down a perpetrator, making an arrest.

What’s not nearly as exciting or dramatic is what happened after the suspects were transported to jail in Cleveland: An officer had to sit down and record in detail what happened, who was there, and what was said and done. That part of the job has none of the breathtaking power of the dramatic rescue. But that report is destined to play a vital role in the next part of the story—ensuring that the man who perpetrated those horrors is brought to justice.

Chicago Is Adopting the “Broken Windows” Strategy

A Healing Gift from a Police Chief

(And the police report would benefit from some revisions.)

On April 22, a 16-year-old student at Bartow High School went into the school’s parking lot to conduct an experiment connected with a science fair project she was planning. She used a small bottle to mix some toilet cleaner with aluminum foil. Instead of the smoke she was expecting, she heard a noise like a firecracker.

The assistant principal also heard the noise. As a result, Kiera Wilmot is facing felony charges for using an explosive device on school grounds. A firestorm of protest has erupted, and more than 28,000 people – some as far away as Europe – have signed petitions asking for the charges to be dropped.

Wilmot’s arrest has raised questions about the appropriateness of involving law enforcement in the case. No one was hurt, and the “explosion” was described by several people as “a pop.” What purpose is served by arresting Wilmot?

“Unfortunately, what she did falls into our code of conduct,” said Leah Lauderdale, a spokeswoman for the district. “It’s grounds for immediate expulsion.”

But a felony charge? According to the district, students need to learn ”there are consequences to their actions.”

Petitioners are asking whether the school could have found a less drastic consequence for Wilmot, a college-bound student who has never been in trouble at school.

Because the police report has been posted online, this is a good opportunity to review some report-writing principles.

The report (Incident #130400256) is objective and thorough, but the officer who wrote it is still using a few inefficient practices that many agencies have dropped:

• “At the above date and time” is unnecessary repetition because the date, time, and address are filled in electronically
• The vague statement “I made contact with” does not indicate whether the officer spoke by phone or in person with the assistant principal
• “Advised” is consistently misused instead of “told”: “Advised” should be saved for actual advice
• Passive voice (such as “efforts are being made” and “Wilmot was charged”) does not clearly show who performed each action

The officer who wrote the report could have saved time by listing facts in bullet style rather than writing a complete sentence for each item. Here’s how the interview with the principal could have been written more efficiently:

Mr. Durham told me that he:

• was on the east side of the campus near the gazebo/lake area
• saw Kiera Wilson and approached her
• heard her say that she was performing a science fair experiment
• saw a plastic bottle
• questioned Wilson’s science teacher, who said Wilmot’s actions were not part of a class assignment

A St. Louis priest named Father Kevin Hederman was suspended from the priesthood in 2009, when he was sued for allegedly abusing a St. Louis teenager. It now seems that the Vatican has cleared Father Hederman of the charges.

An organization called SNAP - Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests – is asking the archbishop of the Roman Catholic diocese of St. Louis to keep Father Kevin Hederman from returning to active parish ministry. (You can read about the case here.)

This is a sad case – but it is also a useful reminder of the importance of good police reporting. The police report (which you can read here) is objective and thorough. It includes several word-for-word statements that Father Hederman made about the sexual issues he was dealing with.

If you’re looking for a model of an effective report, read this one. Still, I can’t resist making one comment about a pet peeve of mine: The persistent misuse of “advise.” In the sentence below (quoted from the police report), notice that “advise” is used in two ways: to tell (incorrect) and to counsel (correct). (When you mean “tell,” say so!)

I advised Hederman that when we met, I would indeed be advising him of his rights per Miranda and that it was his right to have counsel with him if he so desired.

The sentence should read:

I told Hederman that when we met, I would indeed be advising him of his rights per Miranda and that it was his right to have counsel with him if he so desired.

Overall, however, it is an excellent report that is helping SNAP make its case against Father Hederman’s reinstatement.

You may have read in the news that Reese Witherspoon was arrested for disorderly conduct last week after her husband, James Joseph Toth, was pulled over for a DUI.

You can read the police report online, and it’s worth a careful look because it exemplifies many of the qualities that supervisors look for: accuracy, objectivity, clarity, and professionalism. I didn’t see a single example of police jargon. There’s no passive voice. The events are chronicled in clear, simple English, and the officer used “I” when he reported his actions. Well done!

But I thought the report lacked two qualities that I like to see in police writing: Efficiency and brevity. The officer took a long time to recount what he saw and heard.

Bullet style to the rescue! Listing some of the information – instead of writing a sentence for each fact – would save a great deal of time. (Because there’s usually a little “tick” or “bullet” in front of each item, this type of list is called “bullet style.”)

For example, here’s how he could have recorded what he saw Toth’s Fusion doing:

I observed a silver Ford Fusion fail to maintain its lane while it traveled in the left lane. It:

-traveled on the white dashed line

-traveled from left to right

-traveled on the double yellow line

-blinked its left turn signal

-traveled on the double yellow line again

-straddled the solid white line

-crossed the double yellow line again

And here’s how he could have recorded Toth’s statements:

Mr. Toth told me he:

-was 42 years old

-had one drink in a restaurant

-agreed to perform field sobriety testing

-had a problem with his left leg

-would continue with the testing despite the leg problem

-was chewing a mint

Bullet style is an efficient and effective way to list information in a report. I encourage you to incorporate bullet style into your own reports.

Read Jean’s latest article for Law Enforcement Today: Exposed Online

Read Jean’s latest article for Law Enforcement Today: Domestic Violence and Economics.

A recent news story about a shooting in Lakeland, Florida, illustrates the importance of careful investigation and police reporting.

In June 2011, five Lakeland police officers entered a Quality Inn to arrest Tonyo Evans for failing to appear in court. Only one officer filed a report. No photographs were taken of the hotel room, the gun, or the towel that had concealed it. Afterwards a sergeant asked the LPD’s Criminal Investigations Division if they wanted to interview Evans; they declined.

Soon another story emerged related to Evans’ arrest. At around 7 am a few days earlier, a shooting victim called 911 to ask for help. When officer Felicia Wilson arrived at the scene, the victim told her that Tonyo Evans had shot him in the foot. No warrant was issued for Evans’ arrest, no eyewitnesses were interviewed, and no photographs were taken of the victim’s injuries at the scene.

Fast-forward to April 4, 2013, when State Attorney Jerry Hill issued a letter stating he would not accept future testimony from Wilson because of “numerous failures during her investigation.” Any statements from Wilson would have to be corroborated by another officer, Hill said. The failures in this case extend to other members of the Lakeland Police Department, according to Hill.

Problems include the following:

• Information in Wilson’s report doesn’t match what other officers told prosecutors
• No photo lineup was used to identify the shooter
• No detective was assigned to follow up
• Officers who arrested him at the Quality Inn did not know that he was a suspect in the shooting

When another officer was asked to recall events in Wilson’s report, he said his testimony would be “detrimental” to the case because he didn’t do some of the things that Wilson said he did.

State Attorney Hill said he averages only one or two letters a year about officers’ conduct. Wilson’s failures in this case warranted the criticism, Hill said.

Read Jean’s latest article for Law Enforcement Today:

Let’s Get Serious about Rape

Here’s a summary of a police report. Can you spot the dangling modifier ?

Officers are looking into a burglary in the 1800 block of 16th Street. A property manager told police that sometime between 10:30 p.m. Tuesday and 2:30 p.m. Wednesday someone broke into a duplex residence he manages by unknown means. The manager said about 70 feet of copper pipe were taken from the basement of the duplex.

Here it is:

…someone broke into a duplex residence he manages by unknown means.

“By unknown means” refers to the break-in. But the sentence sounds as if he manages the property “by unknown means.”

Here’s how the sentence could be rewritten:

A property manager told police that sometime between 10:30 p.m. Tuesday and 2:30 p.m. Wednesday someone used unknown means to break into a duplex residence he manages. 

Problem solved! (Incidentally, “dangling” means “hanging,” and a “modifier” is a description. A “dangling modifier” is simply a description in the wrong place.)

To learn more about dangling modifiers, click here.