On March 19, three students disrupted a University of Arizona classroom where two Border Patrol agents were talking about career opportunities to members of the Criminal Justice Club. The three protesters were arrested for disorderly conduct and disturbing the police.
You can read the report and learn more about what happened at this link: https://news.azpm.org/p/news-articles/2019/4/16/149844-ua-police-report-details-march-protest/
The report is exceptionally well written. Sentences are crisp and clear. There’s almost no jargon. The reporting is detailed and objective.
I was especially impressed by this sentence from the report:
The agents were trying to continue with their presentation; however, the female was very loud and it caused the presentation to be disrupted.
When you join two sentences with however, you need to use a period or a semicolon, as this officer did. A comma isn’t strong enough to do the job. Well done!
I have a few suggestions:
1. Upon arrival I observed a female dressed in a black shirt and black jeans yelling from the hallway (leaning forward to get her head inside the classroom).
I would omit upon arrival. It doesn’t add anything useful. Yes, it’s only two words – but once you develop the habit of adding unnecessary words, it can be a time-consuming drag on your efficiency.
2. I then spoke to X, who advised the room was being used for a club sponsored Criminal Justice event.
Advised means “counseled.” X told you about the room. Don’t capitalize Criminal Justice unless it’s the official title of an organization. Careers aren’t capitalized.
3. The female was soon joined by a second female who started yelling “murder patrol”.
In the US, periods and commas always go inside the quotation marks: started yelling “murder patrol.”
4. I did not get the name’s of any of the protesters.
Omit the apostrophe. The names don’t own anything.
Overall, though, this is an exceptionally well-written report.