Repetition, Repetition, Repetition

In my files I have a probable cause affidavit about a couple who attacked a coffeeshop employee over an incorrect order. (The wife requested vanilla latte, but she got caramel instead.) It’s a well written document, but there’s some repetition that could have been avoided, saving time for both the writer and the eventual readers.

Here’s what I mean:

– “initially went in the drive thru” – you could omit “initially.” It doesn’t add any useful information.

-“Co-defendant Longo then aggressively approached victim Hall and attempted to strike him at which point the incident became physical.” All you need here is “Co-defendant Longo attempted to strike victim Hall.”

-“several witnesses attempted to break up the fight and separate the parties involved.” You can omit “break up the fight and.” Separate the parties involved says it very well.

Brevity is a virtue – especially in report writing!

Cup of foamy vanilla latte

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