The Deondre Francois Police Report

On January 24, Tallahassee police were called to an alleged domestic violence incident involving FSU Quarterback Deondre Francois. After an investigation, police decided not to charge Francois. 

You can read more here, and you can read the incident report here. It is well written, objective, and thorough. (To download a more readable version, click here. My thanks to Thomas Hagle!)

But I would recommend against two writing practices in the report. Take a look at the  excerpt below. (“White” is FSU running back Zaquandre White, who was at the apartment with Francois and Lindsey.)

I made contact with White, who advised the following: White and Francois were hanging out in the residence when Lindsey came home and began arguing with Francois. Lindsey was upset and began throwing glasses everywhere and broke a vase. Lindsey then locked herself in Francois’ room and tried to break a television.

Sentences are crisp and efficient. The vocabulary is plain and direct (though I would have used “the home” instead of “the residence”).

But there are two problems: “I made contact” is vague. Did the officer phone White? Talk to him in person? Send texts back and forth?

And “advised” is the wrong word. White did not “advise” (“counsel”) the investigating officer. He told the officer the facts.

Overall, though, this is an excellent report.

 

                          Deondre Francois

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3 thoughts on “The Deondre Francois Police Report

  1. Thomas Hagle

    I wanted to suggest this link for the Incident Report. It is much clearer and easier to read and print if you’d like.

    Reply

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