Two Sentences, Not One

How about a quick writing lesson?

Here’s your challenge: read the following sentence (it’s from an actual police report) – and decide how it can be improved. (Hint: there are no grammar problems.)

Vehicle #1 was traveling in the left lane of Route 95 North in the City of Providence when at a point 500 feet south of Route 195 East operator lost control.

Answer: Although this sentence is correct, it’s too complicated. Police reports need to be crisp and efficient.

Here’s a recommended rewrite:

Vehicle #1 was traveling in the left lane of Route 95 North in Providence. The operator lost control 500 feet south of Route 195 East.  BETTER

Notice:

  • Two short sentences are easier to write (and read!) than one longer one
  • You don’t need to write “the City of Providence” – the name of the city is enough

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