At The Smoking Gun website, you can read a probable cause affidavit about a couple who attacked an employee over an incorrect order. (The wife requested vanilla latte, but she got caramel instead.) It’s a well-written document, but there’s some repetition that could have been avoided, saving time for both the writer and the eventual readers.
Here’s what I mean:
– “initially went in the drive thru” – you could omit “initially.” It doesn’t add any useful information.
-“Co-defendant Longo then aggressively approached victim Hall and attempted to strike him at which point the incident became physical.” All you need here is “Co-defendant Longo attempted to strike victim Hall.”
-“several witnesses attempted to break up the fight and separate the parties involved.” You can omit “break up the fight and.”
Brevity is a virtue – especially in report writing!