On September 17 the Phoenix Police Department arrested Arizona Cardinals running back Jonathan Dwyer on five charges, including domestic violence, that occurred on July 21 and 22. You can read the story at this link. Dwyer is accused of violence against his wife, 27-year-old Kayla, and their 18-month-old son, J.J.
Here’s the police report – and a practice activity for you: What changes would you recommend? My comments are posted below the report.
UPON OFFICERS ARRIVAL VICTIM REPORTED SHE WAS ENGAGED IN A VERBAL ARGUMENT OVER THE TELEPHONE WITH A FAMILY MEMBER. SHE ADVISED SHE AND HER SON WERE THE ONLY OCCUPANTS IN THE RESIDENCE. AFTER THE OFFICERS LEFT THE VICTIM FLED WITH THEIR SON. SHE LATER RETURNED AFTER THE DEFENDANT TEXT HER A PICTURE OF A KNIFE AND STATED HE DID NOT WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE. IT WAS LATER LEARNED BY INVESTIGATORS THE DEFENDANT WAS HIDING INSIDE THE RESIDENCE WHEN OFFICERS RESPONDED ON THE INITIAL CALL. SHE SAID HE HAD THREATENED TO KILL HIMSELF IN FRONT OF HER AND THEIR CHILD IF SHE ALERTED THE POLICE TO THE ASSAULT, SO SHE DENIED TO THE OFFICERS THAT HE WAS PRESENT AND THAT SHE HAD BEEN ASSAULTED.
- Use simple language: Instead of “she and her son were the only occupants in the residence,” I would have said “she and her son were at home alone.” Use “said,” not “advised” (which should be reserved for giving advice).
- Put an -ed ending on “text”: “She later returned after the defendant texted her a picture of a knife…”
- Put an apostrophe into “officers” in the first sentence. If one officer handled the call, write “Upon officer’s arrival.” If there were several, write “Upon officers’ arrival.”
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